So normally I’m all about the tea and crumpets.

But in this game that’s all you ever get to eat. It’s just tea and crumpets. Every day. For your whole life.

Now if my food analogy has got your mouth watering and your “I don’t understand what this review is about.” muscles flexing, I’ve got just the game summary paragraph for you:

In this game you’re hunted by very British robots in a very British setting while drinking tea and paying your respects to the victims of The Great Jam Famine and other very British tragedies. You’ll have to scour the countryside of several islands and break into peoples houses to find some way of defending against, or at least distracting, your pipe-smoking pursuers (where does the smoke go if they’re robots?). Don’t worry. The proprietors of these fine households really won’t mind the larceny because they’re all dead and the only thing they left behind was some letters to each other mixed in with their slowly rotting food.

So you arm yourself with dead people’s alarm clocks, bear traps and blunderbusses and burn those fucking robo-chaps to the ground.

Unfortunately, the narrator (your butler) doesn’t really tell you much about what’s going on. You get plopped into the world and all he really says is “Repair the device! Sir, you’re being hunted.” And you already knew 63% of that because of the title.  You end up working your (very English) bum off for a few pieces of “The Device” that is supposed to get you off the islands and away from the robots and the narrator furthers the plot by saying “Alright. I’ll be quiet now.” and with that your main outlet to the story shuts up. Which is a damned tragedy because pretty much all he said up to that point was “Don’t get killed. You need to put the device back together.”

Beyond that, the letters you find are few and far between, and each letter is only about a paragraph long. You find maybe 2 letters per island and completing an island takes about 2 hours or so. So 2 paragraphs worth of story for 2 hours of work. You would probably find more of a story working for 2 hours as a temp in a wallpaper making factory.

And while the combat/trap/stealth system is pretty well designed, every battle tends to be the same pattern of
This, coupled with a small variety of enemy types, makes combat relatively repetitive.  And heres where my food analogy comes back! The combat is the same tea-and-crumpets thing every time. They don’t throw a scone in there. Or even some coffee. It’s always the same meal. It’s a pretty good recipe for getting bored.

All of these things add up to the game losing momentum after about 3 hours of gameplay.

Killing funny British robots is great, but they don’t give you enough story or complex combat options to really keep you interested.

In conclusion, rather than spending the money that you would spend on this game, I would suggest putting that cold hard cash toward funding my “Make Real, Sentient British Robots” project on Kickstarter.

<3 Azazel