News and Reviews

Skyrim Knockoff 3, Witch Hunt

Max Linskey May 11, 2015 4


share close

The-Witcher-3-Wild-Hunt-Game-Logo-Pictures

 

Witcher 3 comes out next week, and I for one, am pissed off as all hell.

Far gone are games with an actual coherent story, engaging with something that made you unable to put down the controller from sheer mind exploding awesomeness (something that I will touch upon in another post). Instead of needing new diapers as well as batteries when going to the store (unless you play and go simulatque, in which case, you’re my hero), one must now buy energy drinks to simply stay awake while trudging through hour upon hour of nonsense.

 

 

 

I blame Skyrim.

Alduin_Fire_Shout
ooooh, I’m soooooo scared

 

Yeah, I’m looking at you Alduin. You steaming hot pile of Dragon dung. You useless ass side-quest to life.

 

 

30569-1-1359309790
come get me. OH WAIT, YOU’RE DEAD. And I didn’t even mean to kill you, I was just wandering through your realm.

 

 

The Elder Scrolls brand of gaming hastily wraps a character in stories and characters and choices and quests and guilds and vampires and skooma and things (cutlery, madmen, pointy things, “magic”) until you are overwhelmed with it all and have to go back to Point and Shooty before you lose yourself (in the music, the moment, you…oops, sorry).

And now that the current gen of consoles lets you do practically whatever you want with barely any limitations whatsoever, it would seem that CD Projekt RED would like you to say goodbye to your social life, family, and society as a whole, while you trudge through whatever-you-wanna-do-land in their upcoming game, Witcher 3: Wild Hunt.

 

the-witcher-3-novigrad
go outside and experience the real world

Let me just say, I will NOT be getting this game.

 
I am a gaming purist.
Force feed me plot, shove me from point A to point B; my decisions shouldn’t matter in the slightest.


What should matter is that I am mildly entertained until I destroy the game completely and 100% the whole thing, or beat the story and walk away to make use of my time elsewhere.
I do NOT need a game that let’s me do whatever I want, deny my body access to vital nutrients and ultimately destroy my relationships with everyone I ever knew and loved.
That is called life, and I can do that without buying a $400 console and a $60 game, thank you very much.

So shame on you Projekt RED. Shame on you for making a vast and endless world, one that you even go on to brag is 20% bigger than Skyrim (you monsters), and tearing friendships and families apart in a quest filled game that is little more than Medieval Batshit-Crazy Fantasy Life Simulator 3. (trademarked)

 

2457637-the_witcher_3_wild_hunt_geralt_vs_fiend
which just about sums up this picture

 

 

 

Witcher 3: Wild Hunt comes out May 19th for XbOne, PS4, and PC. If you value humanity, you will not waste your money.

 

 

 

 

😉  Max

 

Tagged as: .

Rate it
Previous post
close
  • 4

Misc

NETV Podcast: Battlefront, What we know

Josh Yutkins-Kennedy April 29, 2015

  • play_arrow

    NETV Podcast: Battlefront, What we know
    Josh Yutkins-Kennedy

This Sci-fi orgasm of a year is just getting started. With the release of The Force Awakens and the new Battlefront coming closer to the horizon, Josh’s cerebrumus maximus can’t […]

Read more trending_flat